Hey how’s things? Are you getting back into the groove or does it all feel like an uphill struggle?
I sincerely hope it’s the former for you but if it’s the latter I’m praying for peace and the strength to move forward with new hope.
I mentioned in my post from earlier in the week about my disappointment in not securing one of the permanent positions at The White Company. It had such a profound effect on me, much more than I would have imagined, but that’s not to say that the whole thing was a negative experience.
To start with it took much longer to find out about the job than I thought it would. We were all expecting to hear on New Years Eve, but apparently they had such a hard time coming to final decisions because the calibre of seasonal staff had been so high and there were only a few jobs for a lot of people that wanted them. Eventually we heard on the Tuesday and by which time I was feeling nervous anyway. As soon as I heard the managers voice I could tell it wasn’t the news I had been hoping for. My heart sank and I struggled to be able to keep the tears back.
At this point I must say that the manager was so lovely and kind and asked me to stay in touch and said they loved having me there. Mr H and my daughter were both with me and my daughter was so sweet and kind putting her arms around me and rubbing my arm. I was so upset though I had to be on my own. When I got to my bedroom I broke my heart. If your thinking this all sounds a bit over the top for a job, I get that, but for whatever reason that’s how it made me feel. Working there made me feel really alive and useful (not that being a mum and all the other roles in my life don’t, but doing something different made me realise there is so much more I can do and be good at).
Now that I’ve explained what happened I want to talk to you about the process that I went through from that point on, which I believe is the most important part of the experience. While I was crying thoughts like you weren’t any good anyway, no wonder they didn’t want you the other staff were much better than you and all sorts of other negative rubbish. In the smallest of whispers, in between being bombarded with the lies, I also heard positive thoughts like, I was good at the job, I did really well while I was there, they did like me and just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean the sky is falling down. It was a real struggle to believe any of the positive as my emotions felt raw and I was wounded.
The battle in my mind continued for a few days but as each day past it started to feel like I was winning. I had to constantly reign in my thoughts and choose to believe the right ones. When we are struggling with something that really matters to us, whatever that may be, we have to be proactive to come out on top as it were. If we allow whatever comes into our head to run riot, we lose focus and start to believe it. That’s how I used to be, just believing anything negative that fell into my head or that someone had said to me. We have a choice as to what we let in and what we don’t, to decide what we allow to grow in our minds.
Going ‘through’ this process is so important. Denying how we feel and trying to ignore the feelings may seem easier at the time but it has a habit of coming back to bite us, and tends to be more painful than if we had dealt with it at the time. There are obviously varying degrees of disappointment/hurt and different people/situations take varying degrees of time and strength to deal with, but it’s a really healthy way to process.
So from the Tuesday when I got the news to the following week there was a massive shift in the way I was thinking. Instead of looking at the down side to it, I started thinking about what could be next. As one of my friends said, if I enjoyed that so much, how much better will the next thing be?! At the moment I have no idea what that/they could be but I am open.
I hope you have found this helpful. If you have any questions or want to make a point please get in touch and remember to come back and have a look as I always answer your comments.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend.