All Posts By

Kate

Life

Love yourself photography session

Hello friends.

I hope this finds you well.  I know it has been a very long time since I posted, but I haven’t felt led to share for a while.

I’m not sure how writing the blog looks in the future yet, but for now  I wanted to share something I did with a wonderful lady called Flo the weekend before last.

Flo and I met a year or so ago and I think we both knew pretty much straight away that we would become friends.  She is passionate about seeing women set free from poor body imagine and walking into their true identity, which is also one of my greatest passions.

Here is my story, some of which you will know if you have read my blog in the past. For more about Flo and what she does (so very well) and more of the photos, please follow her at www.flotography.co.uk/blog/kates-story-from-the-bitter-into-sweet

 

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From a very early age I felt like I didn’t fit in at all.   I don’t know why.  I did all I could to be what I ‘thought’ others wanted me to be which was exhausting.  I was so effected by what others said about me good and bad and eventually all I heard or expected was bad which then turned into self hate.  I don’t use the word hate lightly, I couldn’t stand myself and thought I was an utter waste of time.  I was trying to show everyone around me and myself that I had it all together, my fears and insecurities grew and I don’t even know how I got through life at times.

Not surprisingly I was in a deep state of depression although I didn’t know that at the time, I just presumed it was me being ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’.  It wasn’t until after I had my first child and the midwife mentioned that I probably had post natal depression that I slowly started to realise that I had been suffering with it for most of my life.  There was no relief in that for me just another reasons to hate myself more.

When I married my first husband I remember thinking that everything would magically get better and life would finally make sense, I would make some sort of sense.  Big mistake. I have learned that no one else can make you whole only God can do that. You also have to know and love yourself before you can truly love another.

Going through the break up and then divorce, although the most incredibly painful and heartbreaking experience, started a healing journey of really getting to know God and His love for me.  I always knew that God was there but I didn’t understand His nature or how He felt about me.  I presumed He was constantly cross and disappointed with me as thats how I felt about myself.

I didn’t think I would ever marry again but in 2010 I married my second husband and we have both been on a journey of discovery, learning how to do life together with God at the centre (not as easy as it sounds).  We started going to a church in 2012 called NKCC now known as Eastgate and it has been life changing.

I attended a school called European School of Supernatural Life (ESSL) run by Eastgate and Father God wooed me into His presence and showed me how loved, worthy, beautiful and precious I was and am to Him.  So much of the insecurity and fear started to leave and I have been walking into freedom like I have never known or even believed was possible.

I am still very much on that journey and I have my insecurities, frustrations and down days, but when I look back to the lonely, scared, hurt girl that I used to be I am not the same, I am forever changed by His unending love, grace and mercy.

It is the desire of my heart to see others coming to know this freedom.  Looking at the photos makes me feel vulnerable, but I believe as well as hopefully helping others it is also part of my ongoing journey.

Thank you for this opportunity Flo and thank you so much for making it so easy and such fun.

 

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As I said in my story, this is part of my journey but along the way I hope that I inspire you to pursue your freedom and identity.

 

With much love

 

Kate xx

Life

Jesus in Jeans

How do you imagine Jesus?  When I was younger I actually thought he was Robert Powell (for those of you not old enough to know, which among my friends is alarmingly high!) he was the actor who played Jesus in the film Jesus of Nazareth.  This was my only reference for Him which lined up well with what I had been taught from being brought up in the catholic faith.  It all seemed to fit so well, the long wavy hair, piercing blue eyes, kindness in his face and the long white robe (the all important long white robe).

Is that what Jesus looked like when He walked the earth?  Maybe, maybe not, I don’t know but it doesn’t really matter to me.  The way I see Jesus when I think about Him, talk to Him or talk about Him is completely different now to what I thought back then.  He is so relevant to us in the here and now and is with us in everything we face.

My Jesus, the one I have come to know and love for myself, is my best friend, my brother, the love of my life.  I can laugh with Him, cry with Him, question Him, tell Him what I think knowing there is nothing I can do to stop Him loving me.  He thinks I rock, He is my rock, I make Him laugh, I make Him cry, everything I do is an adventure with Him, I am free to be, no expectations, no limits.

When I am spending time with Him I see us walking along a beautiful white sandy beach with sand dunes, the sun shining on us, the sound of the waves on the shore and the wind blowing in our hair.  He is wearing His jeans and a shirt, nothing on His feet, His dark but shorter hair being tousled as we walk along hand in hand.  It’s my favourite place to be and the peace I know as we spend that time together is beyond description.  There is no striving, no trying to impress or say the right thing.  He knows me, He created me, I am at peace with Him and I am at peace with myself.

You can know that peace and the freedom to be known and loved exactly as you are without question.  He is just waiting for you to invite Him in.

Sending much love to you

 

Kate x

 

Life

How Is Your Self Talk?

Hello beautiful people

How have you been?  It’s been a while hasn’t it!

How’s your self talk?  Not a question you get asked often I expect.  I’m not sure I would of really understood the question if I was asked years ago.

You may have watched the film ‘Pretty Woman’ and I don’t even want to know how old it is now, but there is a line in the film where the woman says to the millionaire that she falls in love with

“Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to believe the bad stuff than the good stuff” or words to that effect.

It really struck me all those years ago how true it was but even still, knowing it and doing something about it seemed so far apart.  I seemed to go through life just taking on whatever negativity I spoke over myself (which was a lot) and anything negative other people said to me.  I’m guessing that Im not the only one who felt/feels like that.

So what I want to share with you is WHAT has changed and HOW has it changed?

In simple terms I have had a complete shift in the way I think about myself which in turn has shifted the way I see others, killing two birds with one stone I guess.

It wasn’t until I started coming to Eastgate (the church we have been coming to for about 6 years) that I noticed a difference in the way people spoke about each other and themselves.  It was becoming more and more apparent that the way I was used to talking about myself was neither good nor healthy.

Week after week I was hearing about God loving me exactly the way I was because He had created a one off in me and that there would never be another like me or that could do what He had created me to do/be. That is the case for each and every one of us, we are all uniquely made with a unique purpose, no matter how hard you find that to believe, it really is the truth.

So bit by bit I started trying to believe what God was saying about me and to be honest it was really difficult. When you have lived your life believing the worst about yourself its a tough habit to break.  I started by making good declarations to myself like ‘you are a good person’ and ‘you are intelligent’ and if the thought of you saying those things to yourself makes you feel uncomfortable its a good sign that you don’t have a very good view of yourself either.  As I started saying them I was cringing as they sounded so up myself but as time has gone on I have realised that putting myself down or not giving myself credit for who I am and what I have achieved is actually false humility and doesn’t serve anyone, least of all me.  All it actually does is steal from me and prevent me from being and doing the best I can be/do.

By focusing on the things that I like about me and accepting compliments when they are given it’s not only changing the way I feel about myself in a good way but it has also helped me to see the good in others, it’s infectious! I used to find it all too easy to find fault in other people and judge them but I am becoming much more prone to seeing the good in people and the beauty in them.  This is not something I have now achieved but more of a continual learning process.  It definitely makes for a happier me and will make for a happier you.

Being around people who are prone to seeing the best in you in so very helpful.  We tend to become what we focus on, so the more you focus on the good stuff the better you will feel and having people that help that journey is priceless.  As I’ve said before really think about the kind of people you are surrounding yourself with.

I have been privileged enough to have some great input by a couple called Steve and Wendy Backlund who came to our church but also have a great online presence with so much encouragement about how to change your life by what you speak.  http://www.ignitinghope.com

I cannot encourage you enough to start thinking about the way you self talk.  The change for me has been huge, I am experiencing freedom that I didn’t even know was possible and I am desperate to see others walking in that freedom.  Im not saying that I never have a bad thought or that I don’t struggle with situations and feelings at times because I absolutely do but I also have a new way of looking at and thinking about things, like everything in life it’s learning process.

I really hope this post has been an encouragement and inspiration to you to think about the way you talk to yourself.

I would so like to hear from you.

 

With much love

Kate x

 

 

Recipes

Gorgeous Green Goodness

Hi and happy Friday.

Hope you’ve all had a good week, it’s certainly been a quick one because of the bank holiday weekend.

My lovely friend Steph from The Vintage Dove suggested last week that I share with you some of my recipes now that I’m trying to be mega healthy!

Let me share a secret (or not so much if you know me) being naturally healthy is not something I find easy at all.  There is so much ‘healthy stuff’ that I don’t like and so it’s a bit of an uphill struggle at times.  I’m talking about a lot of basic salad staples like raw tomatoes, cucumber, rocket and the like.  I can do most salad leaves but I have to have some kind of dressing to enjoy them.  I’m not a huge fish fan and I’m not keen on a lot of vegetables, especially green ones. I even struggle with avocado which I really want to get into as it is full of amazingly good fats for your body.

Thankfully these days we have access to a lot of imaginative ideas from some very creative people such as Kezia at supernaturallyhealthy.org (I know I keep going on about her but she really is very helpful for me as a point of reference and inspiration, and no I’m not being paid to say that).  There is also Deliciously Ella who is more commonly known as she has been around longer and more recently I have been introduced to Livia’s Kitchen.  They are all women who have had to dramatically change the way they eat because of food intolerances etc.

So today I’ve decided to share a simple recipe that is making a big difference to me and also something I didn’t think would ever be part of my daily routine, especially as I’ve already told you about my struggle with most things green!

The Green Smoothie

No one is new to the idea of smoothies these days even if it’s not become a part of your life (yet).  I started having smoothies about a year and a half ago when my lovely Mum gave me some birthday money towards a Nutribullet.  Mr H and myself got right into them, but green was very rarely on my ingredients list until in the end the only kind of smoothie I was having was banana, strawberries, sometimes blueberries some almond milk (the sweetened one) and oats to bulk it out a bit.  They were very nice and much healthier than a lot of breakfast options I was choosing, but they weren’t packed full of goodness.

This one is quite different

Ingredients

A large handful of fresh spinach (or Frozen)

Small handful of kale

1/2 – 1 banana (depending on size)

A large spoonful of peanut butter (yes large)!

1 – 2 medjool dates (depending how sweet you like it)

1 – 2 small spoons of linseeds or chia seeds

1/4 tsp spirulina powder (not more or it will taste like pond scum)

1/2 tsp vanilla powder

Almond milk and water in equal parts

 

Now I’m not sure what your reaction to that little concoction was, but I can tell you that a few months ago mine would have been disgust and now I can honestly say that I love them.  If I don’t have one for breakfast I usually end up having one for lunch or as a snack during the day.  The banana and dates make it lovely and sweet and I love vanilla which helps to mask the unusual flavour of the spirulina which really is from ponds, and lakes and rivers, hence it’s commonly used name, pond scum!  It is however loaded with protein, antioxidants and nutrients.

Without getting all sciency I just want to mention that linseeds and chia seeds are packed full of goodness too.  Both are good for digestion, contain omega 3 and are good for your hearts health.  Linseeds are also a good source of wheat and gluten free fibre.

If you can get beyond the fact that it is so green and to be fair, if I can you can, I’d be genuinely surprised if you didn’t like it. Having said that everyone has different tastes and I know a lot of people don’t like banana but you don’t have to follow this recipe exactly, just leave out what you don’t like and add what you do, it’s a bit experimental.  I chop and change mine depending on my mood and what is in the fridge or freezer.  This week I’ve added kiwi a couple of times which was ok but I prefer without and I’ve added frozen cherries a couple of times.  Also if your into chocolate or coffee or both, you can add coffee or cocoa which gives it a nice twist. All of this smoothie inspiration has come from Kezia not myself.

That’s probably not the kind of recipe you were expecting Steph but I wanted to start there as

  1. It was one of the first things I started doing and I feel so much better for having them
  2. I have made some truly dreadful concoctions in my pursuit of health, but I have also had a few successes so I will start to share some more over the coming weeks

One other thing I was going to mention was Kefir (pronounced ka – fear) which I know is becoming very popular at the moment and I am also adding to my smoothies as the benefits for your gut health are immense.  It’s basically a probiotic, but unlike anything we have been used to such as Actimel and similar.  This is pure, you can make it at home and it has about 50 x more strains of good bacteria.  Again I’m not going to go into it too much as it’s at least a whole post in it’s own right.

I would be very interested to hear your thoughts about todays blog and if you have any good smoothie recipes or know of other good supplements.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Much love

Kate xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

General, Life

Hi lovelies!

How are things in your world?

Well life in Kates shoes has been very up and down, exhaustingly so.  Not really from an outward perspective but from inwards.  I have been busy but in a good way.  In my last blog I talked about signing up to do the life coaching course, which was 3 weeks ago.  I finally signed up last Friday.  Why has it taken me so long?  I will explain.

As I have come to know myself more and understand the way I tick better, I have noticed I seem to follow a pattern.  Firstly excitement at the thought of something new that I believe I can or want to do, then the settling down and looking at it more logically and then finally the ‘I can’t do this, what was I thinking of, who do I think I am?’ So that has been the process of the last 3 weeks.  Fortunately for me I am surrounded by people who love and believe in me and remind me of who I am.  A woman who can.

Have I suddenly decided there will be no hardships or challenges if I do this?  No, but I have decided that I am going to give this my best shot and see where it takes me.  Choosing the ‘easy’ option and not going for it may seem easier now but in the long run it will slowly suck the life and soul out of who I am meant to be and I will forever be asking myself “what if?”.  Now, what are your “what if’s” and how are you going to start moving towards them?  If I can, you can, and if you have already started something you never thought you would do please let me know.  This is a place to encourage one another.

The materials for the course turned up this week and it felt quite overwhelming as there was a lot more than I though there would be or at least seeing it all in front of me made it so real.  A course that has the potential to give you a new career and further you as a person is bound to have a fair amount of study material.

I am going to have to get really organised and plan my time well, I think it will be a real challenge but also very worth while.  If you have any good tips on organising your time please let me know.  The course I decided to enrol on is very good and lists what should be done when, in conjunction with what, it’s just me working out when that works around all my other roles in life.  All those different hats!

As mentioned in previous posts I’m trying to heal my body by changing the way I eat (and also trying to bring Mr H and the kids along for the ride!)  It’s actually quite overwhelming at times and tiring as your not just reaching for the usual, easy, known foods.  Another reason to be more organised.  So I’ve given up the sugar and also caffeine now.  I’m sure that sounds a bit miserable to some of you but I’m not finding it that difficult.  As Kezia from super naturally healthy says ‘don’t think of it as giving up stuff, but adding lots of good new things in” and I have to say that really helps me as I am discovering all sorts of things that I’m enjoying that are so much better for me.  The biggest thing of all is the freedom from counting calories or pointing and no more weighing!

So along with starting my course, trying to think of new meals and also listening to my body and get an idea of what is working for me and what isn’t so much – definitely a lifestyle not a quick fix, I have a fair bit going on in kates shoes!

I hope all is well with you.  looking forward to hearing from you.

 

Much love

Kate xx

 

 

 

Life

The Latest

Hey lovelies!

Firstly I want to thank those of you who commented on last weeks post.  I was really excited to hear that lots of you have been inspired to start cutting out sugar, even on a small level, which is fantastic!  Small changes can make a big difference.  Some of you had already started your journey – well done!   I so love hearing from you and that what I am writing is helpful and enjoyable.

Now on to today’s post.  If you know me or read my blogs regularly you will be aware that I am always doing something new! It could be some kind of craft (although I haven’t been doing a lot of that lately), a project, something to the house or a personal endeavour.

Something that I started last year was volunteering at a hospice not far from me.  I was doing some creative things with patients that came in for day care.  Due to lots of different factors that didn’t work for me, but it was a very positive experience and I met some lovely people.  I can’t remember if I mentioned in a previous post about it but to start with I felt a little bit like I had failed.  I then realised that trying does not mean failing, it just didn’t fit for me and that’s ok, it’s not trying in the first place that’s the problem.

So onwards and upwards as they say.  I’m still doing Fridays as a volunteer at the reception of my church, which is also a community centre. If you want to check it out the web address is www.eastgate.org.uk

I have also started doing a little cleaning job once a week which is handy for some extra money and the house is so lovely so is a real pleasure to clean.  I’m not looking to do any more cleaning than that though other than what needs doing here!

The most exciting new development for me is that I have started a course in life coaching.  The one I am doing at the moment is like a mini introduction to life coaching to see if it really is something I want to pursue, which I most definitely do.  Next week I am enrolling onto the full life coaching course that will mean I can start practising as a coach at the end of it.  I should be able to finish it within a year as I’m not working.  I am so excited.  This feels like the ‘thing’ I have been looking for for a long time.

The aim of a life coach is to support his or her client, helping them indentify and realise their dreams and ultimately living their lives to their full potential.  What an incredible opportunity, to help people be the best version of themselves doing what they love.  Sounds right up my street!

So what I want to know is what are you up to?  What is going on in your world?  Do you have any plans for the Easter holidays?

Looking forward to hearing from you

Much love and happy Easter

 

Kate x

Life, My faith in God

Lent – Some Thoughts And What I Am Doing This Year

Hey Lovelies happy Friday.  Weather isn’t too great today but it’s still Friday, yay!  I’m really ready for spring now.

What does lent mean to you?  Is it something you participate in and if you do why?  I’m going to talk a little bit about my thoughts on it and what I am doing this year.

Traditionally lent started within the catholic and protestant faiths as a time of moderation and self denial.  Some believing it to be a way to receive Gods blessings and grace and yet it tells us in the bible that grace is “the gift of righteousness” (Romans 5:17).  In other words it cannot be earned so doing it for that reason is unnecessary and against everything that I believe God to be, loving, kind and patient, which is why it has never been something I have felt a need to do.

There are those who use lent to ‘give up’ certain comforts as a way of meditating on all that Jesus has done for us which is a beautiful thing to do as long as it’s not out of any misguided sense of obligation but rather a heartfelt desire to be closer to Him, which can obviously be part of our lifestyle everyday not just lent.

A lot of people that I know don’t have any particular religious views and so do it as a tradition and an opportunity to give up things that they either don’t want to do anymore or feel they indulge in too much i.e smoking, chocolate, drinking etc which is never a bad thing, especially if it kick starts them to make a permanent change for the better.

That being said I have decided to do something this year which is a combination of what I have already mentioned.  I have decided to give up all kinds of refined sugar (could you tell from the picture?).  Talk about going from not observing lent to this – it’s huge!  Let me explain how I have come to this decision and why.

I have touched on food and image very lightly in previous posts, one being Growing Into Our Skin.  Food and body image has been a massive deal for me all my life, as for a lot of people.  I have tried every single diet, most kinds of exercise, just not eating, and everything in between.  My weight has gone up and down and with it my emotions.

There has been so much talk about how bad sugar is for us and I have an incredibly sweet tooth.  It tends to rule my mind and emotions as I get strong cravings, leading to poor food choices and then mood swings and dips.  So I have decided that giving up sugar could be just what I need.  I have done some research and like anything there are some varying ideas about what sugar free means and the best way to do it.  I’m going to be learning as I go, but my starting point is cutting out the obvious sugary things to start, but also looking into what contains sugar (which is far far more than you would think, it’s quite scary really).

The reason I decided to do it for lent was partly a coincidence as I was thinking about it seriously at the beginning of the week and thought it would be the perfect opportunity, but so much more than that it has to do with my faith and that God wants us to be free and enjoy life to it’s fullest as well as looking after our bodies (which I believe is so that we can get the most out of our life).  I have prayed so many times for help with my eating habits but when it comes to wanting something that isn’t very good for me I just put my fingers in my ears and say “lalalala” like when I was a child and I didn’t want to listen to my Mum, you did that too right?.  (That is metaphoric by the way, I don’t actually stand in the middle of the kitchen with my fingers in my ears!)

So heres the plan

  • Take each day as it comes
  • Learn as I go
  • Do my best
  • Not to get down on myself if I mess up
  • Do it with Gods help and grace
  • Do it for the right reasons

When I say do it for the right reasons I mean I’m doing it for the greater good not just image which is what has always driven me before.  The slimmer I was the better I felt about myself and the more confident I felt, but I have come to a point where I just want freedom, to eat well without counting calories constantly or feeling guilty about everything I eat.  I have always been an all or nothing girl, eating everything that I want or denying myself and not eating what I want with no balance, it’s so exhausting and we weren’t designed to live with all that pressure.  I want to be healthy in the real sense of the word, to have more energy and be more balanced.

This is going to be a marathon and not a sprint, even though I’ve chosen to do it for lent I am so hoping that this will be the beginning of a permanent change.  I’m planning on writing a bit of a journal to see the changes that occur and what really works for me.  Everybody’s body is different so we have to find the right balance for ourselves.

I will keep you posted along the way which will also be helpful.  If you have tried sugar free eating I would love to hear how you have found it and what benefits you reaped.  Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed this post.

Wishing you a fabulous weekend

 

Much love

Kate xxx

 

 

 

Life

Happy Days

Hello how have you been?

I have had a really lovely week so thought I would share a bit of it.

Last week was half term and my son and daughter went skiing for the week with their Dad.  Mr H and myself decided that we would use the opportunity and have a few days away.  We stayed at a place called The Gallivant in Camber Sands.  Camber Sands, in my opinion, is the most beautiful beach in Kent.  The Gallivant is a beautiful B&B, so well done, completely my kind of style.

They even had everything for Saffie

We just completely chilled.  Lovely long walks on the amazing beach, ate lots of delicious food and generally enjoyed not doing much at all.

It just doesn’t get much better than this for me, the beach, the sun, the wind blowing on my face and through my hair!  It really is my happy place.  Where is your happy place?  Do you like the sea or is the country more your thing?  Or do you unwind being in cities?

As some of you know, it was my birthday this week which was also lovely.  I have been truly spoilt with gifts and special time with my favourite people, I am so very blessed.

A dear friend of mine did afternoon tea the day before for myself and another friend who’s birthday is the same day.  She really spoilt us and even made the scones from scratch. Thank you so much Zoe what a lovely friend you are.

Mr H and the children took me out for dinner which was fabulous.  I love the way the children are growing up and enjoying eating out like we do, trying new foods and enjoying chatting at the table.  Unfortunately I don’t have a picture of the four of us that would be acceptable to put on here (from their point of view).

There seems to be a bit of a theme with the champagne flute doesn’t there?  I can’t imagine why, oh ok I can, I do love my bubbles!

It’s nearly all photos today but I’ve had such a lovely time I wanted to share some of it with you.

It would be great to hear from you and what’s been happening in your world.

Have a great weekend.

Much love

Kate xx

 

Life

What Is Love?

Dear friends

I am posting today as it is Valentines Day, anticipated by some and dreaded by others.

I’m sure we have all heard differing stories about why we have Valentines day, which all seem to stem from a roman saint/priest called St Valentine.  He was secretly marrying couples as the emperor of that time had banned marriage, believing married soldiers to not be as efficient as unmarried soldiers.  It all ended with St Valentine being martyred which is not very romantic at all, but it does speak of a love that comes from believing in something so passionately that he was willing to die for it, a far cry from the hearts and flowers and romance that we have turned Valentines day into.

John 15:13    Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Here is another story about love

It was 20th February 2010 and she was taken to London for the day as a special early birthday treat.  She was so excited to be spending the day together and being spoilt.  She had no idea what the plans were for the day but knew it was going to be amazing, just being with him made her so happy.  They mooched about drank coffee, looked in shops and generally soaked up the atmosphere and each other.  When it was time for lunch he took her to a wonderful mezzanine restaurant in Covent Garden.  There was a live quartet playing classical music, so perfect, so romantic!  Lunch was ordered as well as some champagne, after all it was her birthday the next day.  While they were waiting for the food to arrive she went to ‘powder her nose’.  She was completely giddy with excitement, so happy and didn’t want it to ever end.

While she was in the toilets she prayed

“God I am so happy and I know this is a ridiculous thought because we haven’t been together very long, but I would really like him to ask me to marry him.  I’m completely in love with him and would love to be his wife.  Help me to just enjoy the time we are spending together and not to be disappointed when he doesn’t ask”

When she arrived back at the table the food was waiting and she went to start eating.

“wait a minute” he said “there’s something I want to ask you”

“But I’m really hungry” she replied

“No, I want to ask you now”

He then pulled back his chair, got down on one knee and holding her hand in his said

“You know I love you don’t you?  Will you marry me?”

There was no hesitation “yes, yes I will” she replied with tears running down her cheeks.

You may have guessed by now that was Mr H and myself, almost 7 years ago in fact.

It sounds like something out of a romance novel doesn’t it? Everything I mentioned is exactly what happened and it was one of the most wonderful days of my life, but we didn’t ride off into the sunset and just live happily ever after.

Romance is an important part of love but it is by no means the only part, unless you have the other elements that are crucial to a loving, caring and balanced relationship romance will not keep you going forever.  Mr H and myself, like most couples, experience our ups and downs and sometimes the downs seem to be more frequent.  We genuinely thought that because we had both experienced the heartache and pain of divorce that we had learnt what ‘not to do’ in a marriage and that we wouldn’t experience a lot of the challenges we faced in our first marriages – wrong with a capital W!

It’s so easy to look around at others and think they have it all together, we all want that perfect relationship, but the fact is, IT DOES NOT EXIST!  The reason it doesn’t exist is because nobody is perfect.  We watch films and imagine that perfect moment with the man or woman of our dreams.  The truth is everyone wakes up with bad hair and breath at times, we all have irritating habits and we have all been raised by parents who are imperfect, that’s life, that’s reality which is why love needs to be so much more than that gooey feeling.

I love a bit of romance but if Mr H and myself are not in a good place I can’t suddenly become all romantic and forget where we are at, I need to feel connected to him and that he is connected to me otherwise it’s just a show.  Staying connected requires time, effort and patience not bunches of flowers or gifts, which of course is lovely too but not enough on it’s own.

Instead of the media and society telling us what we should be doing and feeling on Valentines day and putting such unrealistic pressure on us to do something romantic or hope that someone will do something romantic for us, we need to invest in our relationships all the time and do what’s necessary to keep our connection strong and most times that requires patience, trust and difficult conversations.  It can be painful and scary but that’s how relationships (of any kind, mums, daughters, brothers etc) evolve and they always need to be evolving or they become stagnant.

 

Please don’t read this and think that I am anti valentines or romance, I am pro healthy, happy, real, honest relationships.  In the past I have been good at the unhappy, unhealthy kind and I am learning, constantly about new ways to cherish and honour the people in my life that I love, but it will always be a journey of discovery.

I also want to mention those of you who are single wether you are young, haven’t found your someone yet, are going through divorce or choose to be single.  Whatever your situation, you are important, you are special, you are beautiful, you are every bit as valuable.  You don’t need to be in a relationship to have value.  I was a single mum for 5 1/2 years and it was hard at times, but I also learnt so much about myself and started to like who I was.  Remember being in a relationship is hard too just different.  My point is, be kind to yourself, enjoy this stage of your life, there will be times you look back to now and have such good memories.  Learn to love and appreciate you.

It would be great to hear from you and how you are doing.

Sending you huge amounts of love

Kate x