I hope this finds you well. I know it has been a very long time since I posted, but I haven’t felt led to share for a while.
I’m not sure how writing the blog looks in the future yet, but for now I wanted to share something I did with a wonderful lady called Flo the weekend before last.
Flo and I met a year or so ago and I think we both knew pretty much straight away that we would become friends. She is passionate about seeing women set free from poor body imagine and walking into their true identity, which is also one of my greatest passions.
Here is my story, some of which you will know if you have read my blog in the past. For more about Flo and what she does (so very well) and more of the photos, please follow her at www.flotography.co.uk/blog/kates-story-from-the-bitter-into-sweet
From a very early age I felt like I didn’t fit in at all. I don’t know why. I did all I could to be what I ‘thought’ others wanted me to be which was exhausting. I was so effected by what others said about me good and bad and eventually all I heard or expected was bad which then turned into self hate. I don’t use the word hate lightly, I couldn’t stand myself and thought I was an utter waste of time. I was trying to show everyone around me and myself that I had it all together, my fears and insecurities grew and I don’t even know how I got through life at times.
Not surprisingly I was in a deep state of depression although I didn’t know that at the time, I just presumed it was me being ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’. It wasn’t until after I had my first child and the midwife mentioned that I probably had post natal depression that I slowly started to realise that I had been suffering with it for most of my life. There was no relief in that for me just another reasons to hate myself more.
When I married my first husband I remember thinking that everything would magically get better and life would finally make sense, I would make some sort of sense. Big mistake. I have learned that no one else can make you whole only God can do that. You also have to know and love yourself before you can truly love another.
Going through the break up and then divorce, although the most incredibly painful and heartbreaking experience, started a healing journey of really getting to know God and His love for me. I always knew that God was there but I didn’t understand His nature or how He felt about me. I presumed He was constantly cross and disappointed with me as thats how I felt about myself.
I didn’t think I would ever marry again but in 2010 I married my second husband and we have both been on a journey of discovery, learning how to do life together with God at the centre (not as easy as it sounds). We started going to a church in 2012 called NKCC now known as Eastgate and it has been life changing.
I attended a school called European School of Supernatural Life (ESSL) run by Eastgate and Father God wooed me into His presence and showed me how loved, worthy, beautiful and precious I was and am to Him. So much of the insecurity and fear started to leave and I have been walking into freedom like I have never known or even believed was possible.
I am still very much on that journey and I have my insecurities, frustrations and down days, but when I look back to the lonely, scared, hurt girl that I used to be I am not the same, I am forever changed by His unending love, grace and mercy.
It is the desire of my heart to see others coming to know this freedom. Looking at the photos makes me feel vulnerable, but I believe as well as hopefully helping others it is also part of my ongoing journey.
Thank you for this opportunity Flo and thank you so much for making it so easy and such fun.
As I said in my story, this is part of my journey but along the way I hope that I inspire you to pursue your freedom and identity.
With much love